


Helpless

by thebluesthour



Series: Yeonbin Oneshots For the Soul [80]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancer Choi Yeonjun, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Student Choi Soobin, Whipped Choi Soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluesthour/pseuds/thebluesthour
Summary: Soobin, a medical student, is concerned that his boyfriend Yeonjun isn't taking care of himself.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: Yeonbin Oneshots For the Soul [80]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870156
Comments: 7
Kudos: 182





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ!!!
> 
> TW// mentions of past abuse, panic attacks
> 
> Though brief in length, this fic does deal with serious themes of childhood trauma and Soobin does experience the beginnings of a panic attack. He incorporates calming methods to help himself relax, but please know that the things mentioned are purely fictional and I have no idea what he experiences or how he deals with any mental health challenges!
> 
> Be safe, be kind to yourself, and read with caution! 
> 
> Leave prompts [ here!](https://curiouscat.me/mapsoftheseouls)
> 
> Not edited.

As a medical student, Soobin was worried about Yeonjun. The boy was hardly at the apartment anymore, his dance practices stretching into the late hours of the night. When he finally did walk in, two or three hours past midnight, he looked dreadful. His skin was always pale, dark circles under his eyes, hair messy, and movements sluggish. It scared Soobin a little, the clear signs of exhaustion and malnutrition evident with just one glance, and there was nothing he could do.

Yeonjun would never give up dance and Soobin would never ask him to. He knew how much his boyfriend loved his craft, and he knew that the rigorous schedule was only temporary. Regardless, he wasn’t certain that the elder’s health would be able to withstand the painstaking choreography.

Being a medical student did give Soobin the tools he needed to help Yeonjun feel better for the limited amount of time they had together in the late nights and early mornings. But it also meant that Soobin himself was ridiculously busy too, spending a majority of his time either at the library, in the labs, or at the kitchen table studying. His stress was building, but he did his best to keep a lid on it.

Only one of them could afford to collapse under the pressure.

Soobin was going over how to diagnose diabetes when his phone rang. He scrambled to answer it, the noise echoing throughout the silent library. Thankfully, only a few people shot him glares, the others were either too tired to care or were sympathetic to him. Cheeks flaming, he held the phone to his ear, speaking softly.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby.”

Soobin reacted to Yeonjun’s voice the same way he always did, heart picking up a little, blush dusting his skin despite the fact the elder wasn’t even there to see. Only now, he felt worried again. Because Yeonjun sounded _so_ off. His normally lively voice was muted, breathy, lacking the energy Soobin had fallen in love with.

“Hi, hyung, is everything okay?” he asked, looking up to check the clock on the wall. It wasn’t even seven pm, it was unusual for Yeonjun to be calling so early. Yeonjun exhaled gently, giggling just a bit. “Yeah, they just let us off early tonight, so we could get some rest,” he explained. There was a beat of silence before he continued. “But I think I’m too tired to drive,” he finished with an exasperated chuckle.

Soobin was on his feet instantly, shoving his materials into his backpack and not caring how loud he was being. Yeonjun hadn’t been home before the sun went down in _weeks,_ and Soobin wasn’t about to miss the chance to spend some much-needed time with his boyfriend and hopefully nurse him back to some semblance of health. “I’m on my way,” he replied, already rushing out of the library.

Yeonjun giggled a bit, but Soobin could hear how shallow it was. He did his best to push his worries down as he got into his car, throwing his bag into the backseat haphazardly. “Just sit down and drink a lot of water, hyung, I’ll be there soon,” he instructed, proud of himself for keeping his voice steady. It was something he had been practicing for the future. Yeonjun hummed in acknowledgement, and then Soobin hung up so he could focus on driving.

Thankfully, Yeonjun’s dance studio was right around the block from campus, so Soobin arrived quickly. He had been many times before, but once practices for the spring showcase began, he wasn’t allowed to visit as much. He was simultaneously excited to see the boy but also worried about his state.

When he parked, he got out quickly, going to the doors and walking in. The smell of sweat immediately filled his nostrils, but he paid it no mind as he walked the familiar route to Yeonjun’s practice room. A few other dancers were in the hallways, on their phones or packing up, but none of them sported the beautiful pink hair of his boyfriend.

He weaved around the corner and nearly ran into Choi Beomgyu, Yeonjun’s best friend and also a fellow dancer. As they both narrowly avoided each other, Beomgyu smiled, bowing a bit. “Soobin-hyung! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” he cried, much higher energy than Yeonjun sounded on the phone. Soobin smiled, patting the younger’s shoulder. “Things have been crazy, end of the semester, you know how it is,” he replied.

Beomgyu laughed, nodding rapidly. He looked over his shoulder then, before pointing Soobin down the hall. “Yeonjun-hyung is still in the practice room,” he informed. Soobin nodded, and then Beomgyu gave him a farewell bow, mentioning something about meeting Taehyun for dinner.

Once he dashed off, Soobin furrowed his brow, walking towards the studio door. It didn’t make sense that Beomgyu was in good health, but Yeonjun wasn’t. Was he overworking himself? Did he take on too hard of a routine? He supposed a talk was in order too, after making sure Yeonjun had enough to eat and drink and time to rest.

When he pushed open the door, he saw Yeonjun immediately. He was lying on the floor, jacket bunched up under his head as a makeshift pillow. He was fast asleep, breathing slowly, limbs twitching from the icy chill of the air conditioner. Soobin smiled a bit, unable to deny how adorable his boyfriend looked. He walked up quietly, bending at the knees and reaching a hand out to stroke Yeonjun’s hair.

“Hyung,” he whispered, giving the elder’s shoulder a gentle shake. As much as he hated to disturb the elder while he was sleeping, he couldn’t help but think of all the detriments that came with sleeping on a hard floor.

Fortunately, Yeonjun woke easily, lashes fluttering and smile spreading across his tired face as he looked up at Soobin. Soobin smiled back, helping Yeonjun sit up. “Ready to go?” he asked, picking up Yeonjun’s bag from where it sat next to him. Yeonjun yawned as he nodded, rubbing his eyes before pushing himself up off the floor. Soobin slung the boy’s bag over his own shoulder and then took Yeonjun’s hand. The elder gave him a gentle smile, before the two started to walk to the exits.

“I’m gonna fall asleep as soon as we get home,” Yeonjun said, stifling another yawn. Soobin squeezed his hand, letting Yeonjun lean against him as they walked. “You need to eat something first, maybe take a shower, alright?” Soobin gently reminded, pushing the doors open. Yeonjun only hummed in lieu of an answer, and Soobin decided not to press it. Yeonjun was stubborn sometimes.

They made it home easily, Yeonjun nodding off in the passenger’s seat despite the short distance. He complained when Soobin woke him again, and Soobin did his best to remain positive even though his boyfriend’s stubbornness was starting to affect his mood. They walked up the steps and Soobin unlocked the door, holding it open as Yeonjun walked in. Soobin followed, dropping his bag at the entry and taking his shoes off.

Yeonjun went straight to their room, kicking off his shoes as he went. Soobin sighed, taking a breath to relax, before he went to the bedroom. It sucked, but he could feel a fight coming on, and it was making him nervous. He hated when they fought.

So he steadied himself and went to the kitchen first, deciding to go ahead and make the food so Yeonjun felt more obligated to eat it. Soobin hated manipulating him, but he knew how important it was for him to eat. The medical student in him was screaming to take care of the elder.

When the food was ready, he placed it all on a tray along with a bottle of water, and then went to his bedroom. Yeonjun was, true to Soobin’s suspicions, asleep again. He debated for a split-second just letting him sleep, but then he remembered how dangerous it would be to let him go any longer without proper nutrition. With that in mind, he set the tray on the nightstand and then sat down on the bed, gently shaking Yeonjun.

The third time around, Yeonjun nearly started crying, shaking his head with his eyes closed as Soobin coaxed him awake. “You have to eat, hyung, you’ll feel so much better after,” he reminded. Yeonjun only groaned at that, burying his face in his hand as he sat up, slouching immediately. Soobin rubbed his back, feeling a bit empathetic. “Come on, baby,” he whispered, patting his knee with his other hand.

“I don’t want to eat, I just want to sleep,” he replied, voice pitiful. Soobin nodded, continuing to rub his back. “I know you do, but it’ll only take a minute to eat something and then you can go right back to sleep,” he reassured. Part of him mourned that he wouldn’t be able to spend some time with his boyfriend conscious, but he wanted him healthy more.

Yeonjun shook his head again. “I’m not hungry, Soobin,” he said. Soobin bit his lip, before turning toward the nightstand. “Just a few bites then, enough to—.”

“Oh my God, you’re so _annoying_ ,” Yeonjun interrupted, suddenly moving. Soobin froze, eyes widening as the hurtful words hit his ears, and he turned back. Yeonjun was standing now, hands in fists and nostril flaring, clearly fuming. “You’re not a doctor yet, so quit acting like mine!” he cried, pure anger in his voice.

Soobin felt his stomach rolling with anxiety as his boyfriend screamed at him, but he’d heard worse in his life, so he did his best not to let anything hit him too hard. He knew Yeonjun was exhausted, most likely not thinking straight. He looked manic as Soobin slowly stood up, his eyes wide and skin pale as he glared at Soobin.

“I know I’m not a doctor yet, but I do know when a person’s body needs to be fed and hydrated,” he replied calmly. Yeonjun scoffed at that, raising his head to the ceiling and laughing humourlessly as he shook his head. “I’m sure I’ll be okay for a few hours while I catch up on my sleep,” he sneered, lowering his face to continue to glare at Soobin. “Pretty sure I know what my body needs considering it’s _my_ body.”

Soobin sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before moving a little closer, wanting to just end the stupid fight before he lost his control. “I didn’t mean it that way,” he clarified, voice soft. Yeonjun only rolled his eyes, looking at a point past Soobin’s shoulder. Soobin took another step closer. He opened his mouth to say something more, but Yeonjun only rolled his eyes again and snapped his head back to meet Soobin’s eyes, raising his hand to most likely run it through his hair.

Only, Soobin’s mind saw Yeonjun’s hand raise and a memory flashed before his eyes. And his body reacted before he could stop it. He flinched, curling away and screwing his eyes shut, breath and heartbeat shooting up to a dangerously high level. It was the remnants of his childhood, something he’d been trying to grow past for years, with slow but notable progress. Yeonjun knew about his trauma, knew that he sometimes still had bouts of PTSD.

He had never hurt him, Soobin knew he would never hurt him, and yet he still flinched. And that was the first time he had ever done that to Yeonjun. At the first grasp of rationality Soobin opened his eyes, still panting breathlessly.

Yeonjun’s eyes were still wide and his skin was still pale white, but instead of anger he looked terrified. His mouth was open, but no sound came out. Soobin started to relax his muscles, the panic slowly fading away, but Yeonjun still looked so scared. His hand was frozen where he had been lifting it, and Soobin could see that he was shaking slightly.

Soobin looked down, feeling so ashamed and embarrassed of his reaction. He turned swiftly, going and grabbing the tray of food while he still could. His hands were shaking too, just like Yeonjun’s. “S-Soobin…,” he heard Yeonjun say hesitantly. Only, he could feel incoming tears—he always cried after a PTSD episode, they were that intense—and so he cut him off, walking quickly to the door. “I’m f-fine, you can s-sleep,” he murmured, before leaving.

He went to the kitchen and set the food down, leaning against the counter and taking several deep breaths. There were coping methods he used to calm himself down, and he employed them now. He closed his eyes and focused on getting a lot of oxygen. He felt the counter under his palms and the ground against his feet.

After a few minutes, he felt himself relaxing, and he stood up straight, opening his eyes. He felt better, a little sad he supposed, but not panicking anymore. He cleaned up the food, packing it away for later. Yeonjun hadn’t made an appearance, but Soobin knew he was probably waiting for him to come back. He knew not to scare him after an episode.

He braced himself as he went back to his room, not sure of how Yeonjun was going to act. When he walked in, however, he saw Yeonjun sitting in the centre of the bed, back to the headboard and knees pulled to his chest. He was sniffling quietly, and snapped his head up as soon as he heard Soobin.

Soobin bit his lip, going up to his boyfriend. Yeonjun’s eyes were wide and full of regret, and he quickly uncurled himself. “Soobin-ah,” he breathed, slowly extending his arms. Soobin remembered the cruel words Yeonjun had directed at him, but then pushed those thoughts away.

He moved into Yeonjun’s space, letting the elder lock his arms around him and pull him straight onto his lap. “Baby, my baby, I’m so, _so_ sorry,” he whispered, tucking Soobin’s head onto his shoulder and pressing him impossibly closer. Soobin let him, closing his eyes and sliding his arms around Yeonjun’s waist, holding tight. He cuddled into his boyfriend, soaking in the comfort.

“I didn’t mean what I said, not at all,” Yeonjun continued to whisper, desperate. “You’re going to be the greatest doctor in the world, I’ll never let anyone else tell me I’m sick except you.” Soobin giggled wetly at that, nuzzling closer. He felt Yeonjun press a kiss to the side of his head, trailing them down the side of his neck. “I’m sorry I’m so stubborn, I love you, I’m sorry,” he breathed.

Soobin lifted his head at that, eyes widening as he saw tears running down Yeonjun’s cheeks. He cupped the elder’s face then, wiping the tears away. “I love you too, it’s okay, hyung,” he promised, wiping away more tears. Yeonjun sniffled, pulling Soobin closer. “I’m s-so sorry for s-scaring you, baby,” he apologised. His bottom lip quivered, and Soobin leaned closer, kissing it still.

“You didn’t scare me. I just need to start seeing my therapist again, and that’s okay,” he replied.

Yeonjun sniffled, lifting a hand to card through Soobin’s hair. “Are you okay?” he asked. Soobin nodded, smiling a bit and kissing Yeonjun again. Yeonjun kissed back, hand stilling in his head and slipping down to Soobin’s neck. “I would never hurt you, y-you know that right?” he began to ramble, voice picking up in desperation.

Soobin sat up, resting his hands back on Yeonjun’s cheeks, shushing him gently. “I do know that, hyung,” he reassured. Yeonjun’s gaze never left his but his eyes were wide with fear still. Soobin swiped his thumbs over the boy’s cheekbones, wanting nothing more than to get him to calm down so he could finally just eat something and go to sleep.

“Yeonjun,” he said a bit louder, dropping the honorifics. Yeonjun quieted instantly, pressing his lips together in a tight line as he let Soobin speak. The younger smiled a bit, tracing his thumb over his boyfriend’s lips. “I know you will never hurt me, I haven’t been so sure of anything else in my life.”

It wasn’t often they exchanged such intimate words, and the energy was heavy around them. Yeonjun nodded, before pulling Soobin back in for another passionate kiss.

When they parted that time, Yeonjun let his head fall against the headboard, arms going slack around Soobin. “I’m starving,” he admitted, giggling a bit. Soobin giggled too, kissing the elder’s nose and then getting up. “I saved what I made, let me just go grab it,” he explained. Yeonjun smiled warmly, lashes fluttering. “I love you, so much,” he whispered in return. Soobin blushed deeply, before stuttering out his own sentiment and then dashing to get the food.

Yeonjun ate and drank everything Soobin gave him, and even let Soobin do a quick vitals exam on him to make sure everything was alright. The elder smiled lovingly the entire time, making Soobin’s cheeks burn as he pressed his fingers against Yeonjun’s wrist.

“You’re the hottest doctor I’ve ever seen,” the boy complimented brightly, making Soobin groan and roll his eyes, dropping his hand and standing up straight. “You’re insufferable,” he complained. Yeonjun only hummed, pulling Soobin back to sit next to him. “And you’re amazing,” he murmured, curling into Soobin’s side.

Soobin giggled, lying down and letting Yeonjun get more comfortable. Now that the boy was fed and hydrated, Soobin felt the rest of his anxiety calm. He debated asking the dancer if he wanted to shower, but the boy was already nodding off against his shoulder. Even though they didn’t spend the evening watching movies and cuddling like Soobin had imagined, and even though they had fought, Soobin never felt more content than he did right in that moment.

He held his boyfriend in his arms, the love of his life, someone who was making it hard for Soobin to picture a life without him. He brushed Yeonjun’s bangs off his forehead and gave the skin there a small kiss. “I love you, hyung,” he whispered.

Yeonjun exhaled, wrapping himself tighter around Soobin and nuzzling his face into his neck. “I love you more, baby,” he replied. 


End file.
